But there's no escaping the bucket in the room. It's been wet. Not wet in the sense of the Thames sloshing across the streets of Oxford, or even the towpath, but just persistently wet. The red flag went up at the start of 0th week and seems nailed on for another 7 days at least, taking us up to the end of 4th week. Prospects for Torpids (4–7 March), in any form, are not good but, as St Francis might have said had he bothered to learn some mathematics as a youth rather than waste his time partying: 'Where there is despair, let's see if we can put a number on that'.

At least the University crews are getting some rowing done, albeit not at their Wallingford base. They've been testing themselves in side-by-side racing against Tideway clubs. At last count we had one triallist still standing.

In the light of recent events, you may be feeling some relief that we have, as a rule, chosen not to name our boats after eminent alumni. So I thought I'd take a look at the names that we have been using instead.

We pick up the events of 150 years ago, both home and abroad, now moving into 1876.

Finally, we've decided against a RS dinner this term but will instead attempt a grander affair after Eights (by which time the College Hall should be back in use) to celebrate the Boat Club's 150th year and also 50 years since the first women's crew.

Nowadays selection is later, usually after their New Year training camps, and the squads are larger so that each club runs 4 Trial Eights races: men's and women's A and B races, with the B races primarily for the lightweights. Cambridge and Oxford ran their races on consecutive days, but Cambridge got the miserable, wet day. And while the coaches attempt to select matched crews in the hope of tight racing, most races this year — both Oxford and Cambridge — were decided within the first 5 minutes.

At least Oxford had the numbers for a full men's B race this time.. Last year they pulled in a local school to provide the opposition for their lightweights.

Ophelia Lanfranchi
(photo: theboatrace.org)

Ophelia Lanfranchi was Catz only representative on the day, rowing at no.7 in the winning Biles crew in the women's B race (the Oxford women's crews this year were named after 'inspiring' sportswomen, although I'm not sure that the England rugby player would appreciate being described as having been 'beaten' by the undoubtedly talented, but diminutive, US gymnast).

There have been a few private fixtures so far. On 18th January the Cambridge women's squad took on Thames RC. The A crews were well-matched, Thames took the B and C crew races (Cambridge women are still running 4 VIIIs) while the Cambridge lightweights matched Thames D with one win apiece.

Last weekend all 6 Oxford boats took on London RC crews and, apart from the men's lightweights, came out on top (although I notice that Ophelia wasn't listed in the Oxford lightweight VIII).

Also last weekend the Cambridge lightweight men gave Vesta A a fairly comprehensive thrashing, but we already know they're quick from their performances in the Fours Head.

So that just leaves Cambridge heavyweight men yet to show their hand, which won't be until 21st Feb when they take on Oxford Brookes. They missed the Fours Head last term and as far as I can tell have not raced anyone else so far.

I'm also waiting for some of these fixture opponents to race each other. Sadly Quintin Head (Jan 25th), which normally attracts many of the big Tideway clubs, was cancelled due to the fast stream.

This year the Oxford squad seem to have made a positive decision to race more often, which means they, and everyone else, knows just how fast they are. They competed in Wallingford Head last term and the Oxford women were also entered for Quintin.

Far, far away, in the ongoing Perak War, nominally fought over British imposition of an abolitionist policy in Malaya, the British forces experienced a setback when they were ambushed on 4th January, but that proved temporary and after a few more months the rebel leaders were captured, British rule was imposed and, presumably, some slaves were liberated.

In the United States, Republican Ulysses S Grant was coming to the end of his second term as President and discovering, like many former generals-turned-politician, that politics is a lot more difficult than war.

You'll probably know Oxford as the home of the first sub-4 minute mile but it was also the location of the first 6' high jump. This was set by Brasenose student Marshall Brooks on 17th March. Two years earlier he'd also played for England against Scotland in a rugby union match. Brasenose crews were regularly Head of the River in those days, but I have no record of him rowing in a Brasenose boat. Probably just as well, for the rest of us.

A new clinker VIII was obtained the following year and named John Brook after the Censor (i.e. Master). Until around 1970 it was the rule that all Torpids crews had to race in the heavier, but more stable, clinker VIIIs, so colleges required both clinkers and shells. In 1954 a new shell arrived and it was noted that the Dean was keen on calling it St Catherine of Alexandria. One presumes he got his way. But in 1959 it was recorded that a new clinker VIII was named All Rabbit's Friends and Relations, without any further explanation, and so started a theme which endures, off-and-on to this day. The widow of Peter Broadbridge (M.58) told me that it was he who came up with the name, and for no better reason than that he was a Winnie the Pooh fan. In 1983, the Captain (Graham Elliot) wrote

'For some reason nothing in the Boat Club seems to create more bickering than the name of a new boat; the decision is left to Liz [Ilett, women's captain] and the lady rowers. A secret ballot is held and Piglet comes top. A good choice when paying by the letter.'

Hunting for a Woozle, the name of our most recent boat (chosen by the women 1st VIII).

You may have noticed that All Rabbit's Friends and Relations reappears in the list of current boats. That's not entirely coincidental. One of the donors was Prof. David Morris (M.57) and in early January 1959 he was one of those tasked with taking delivery of the original and rowing it from London up to Oxford. Such adventures make an impression.

We're currently averaging 4.1 mm/day which is wetter than any year in the dataset and Torpids has never been run when the average is higher than 3.5 mm/day. So, to put a number on the appropriate level of despair, that would be 100 %.

At best, i.e. if there were no more rain, we will average 2.7 mm/day, which gives ~35% probability of some form of racing, but still no chance of a full Torpids, which has never happened with more than 2.3 mm/day.

Having said all that, focussing purely on cumulative rainfall takes no account of distribution throughout the two months. If all the rain falls in January and none in February that's obviously a very different situation to the other way around. So, shall we say 80 %?

Torpids is scheduled for Wed–Sat, 4–7th March, which is the 7th week of term. Last year only the top 3 divisions raced (in 12 half-divisions). Whether full or half divisions, racing will start at 11:45 and finish, with Men's Div I this year, at 5:15. Wolfson head the men's divisions, followed by Oriel, while Pembroke and Christ Church are top of the women's.

Catz men had a rough time last year, dropping 10 places over 4 days; it would probably have been more were it not for a wayward swan resulting in a klaxon. The women, rowing in their new VIII, at least got Catz back into the bumping habit, registering the Boat Club's first bumps in Eights or Torpids since 2023. They actually bumped 3 crews but also got bumped twice in the process.

The table shows the current starting positions of our 1st VIIIs. In the absence of any racing so far this term there's very little guide to current form, so we'll have to look back to last term's IWL races.

Torpids 2026
Starting positions of our 1st Torpids and 2025 changes in position
Men's Div II			Women's Div III
1	L.M.H.	+2	1	St Peter's	−1
2	Magdalen	=	2	Merton	+7
3	Exeter	+2	3	St Hilda's	+4
4	St Hugh's	+2	4	St Catherine's	+1
5	Brasenose	+4	5	St John's	+1
6	Lincoln	+1	6	Linacre	+2
7	St Catherine's	−10	7	Wolfson II	−6
8	Worcester	+6	8	Queen's	+2
9	S.E.H.	−8	9	St Anne's	−13
10	Queen's	−2	10	University II	+1
11	Trinity	=	11	Worcester II	+1
12	St Peter's	=	12	Corpus Christi	−10

Lincoln men entered IWL-A, where they finished 6th, just 10 s behind Oriel, so they were definitely fast then. Catz and Worcester only raced in IWL-B when Worcester finished 7th, 26 s ahead of Catz. S.E.H. haven't been seen but Queen's, Trinity and St Peter's all seemed to be around similar speed to Catz in IWL-B.

As for Catz women, they were 3.5 s behind St Hilda's in IWL-A, and St John's another 3 s ahead of them, so it was all quite close back at the start of November. Merton were another 13 s up on St John's, so probably won't feature in Catz' plans for the week. Catz were the only one of these crews to race in IWL-B, although Queen's showed up for that one and beat Catz by 24 s, so they may pop again in the rear-view mirror.

The men's 2nd Torpid are 6th in Div IV, their position at the end of 2023 when this division last raced (2024 Torpids was completely cancelled). Div V and below are the Rowing On divisions so they can keep that position until they actually get to race, or fail to enter.

Unlike the men, the women's 2nd Torpid did actually race last year. At least they qualified in Rowing On, before back came the rain and washed the lower divisions out. So they'll have to Row On again this year.

However, by this point I feel 'irrational' no longer sufficiently describes the levels of optimism required to sustain this line of speculation.

The Women's 1st Torpid last year.